Chicken Nuggets, Spitting and... “What Do You Mean You Were On Red Today?"

Yesterday was NOT a banner day in the Ervin household.  We got home yesterday and picked up the boys from daycare only to find out that, while my 9-year-old had a great day at school (no tally marks, woohoo!), my 6-year-old had been hitting people and spitting in the day care all afternoon.  Well, that just wasn’t going to fly with me.  I gave him a small comment there in the day care and waited to talk to him until we got to the car.  

One of my first questions?  “What did you eat today?”  Well, it went downhill from there.  He let me know that he was on red at school in addition to being not so nice at day care AND had chosen to purchase chicken nuggets from school for his lunch.  Well, needless to say, I was NOT a happy camper.  Though, looking back on it, what 6-year-old WOULDN’T choose chicken nuggets from his school?  They’re brown, “yummy” and familiar.  

So, I waited a second until I had had just a few minutes to breathe...

“Benton, what did you have for snack today?”

“Ummm, chicken nuggets.”

“No, you said that was lunch.  What did you have for snack at day care?”

“Well, I lost the snack that you sent me, so I had chicken nuggets again at day care.”

Oh, Good Lord, help me now in this my time of great trial!

“And your teacher at day care said that was okay?”

“Uh huh.”

So we went home, I promptly printed out our new go-to list for milk ingredients, and drove back to the day care, letting them know that if they were going to feed my child foods that were from the “no longer approved” list, that counting his behavior against him was not very fair.  I was nice about it, and made sure not to burn any bridges, but inside, I was a raging bull!  My daddy bear came out and I just wanted to  RIP TO SHREDS... HULK MAD!  But outside, at the day care, I was all diplomat.

Unfortunately, I did what I am all too good at, and took parts of that frustration out on my family.  Being frustrated with them about the situation at hand doesn’t do any good, though.  So, I calmed down and we went back to doing what we, as a family, are doing best right now: making the best of a bad situation.

I felt so awful for my children, though.  Especially Benton.  He certainly has the worst of the two in terms of how he reacts to milk.  In fact, he’s the reason we figured out the situation in the first place, it's because HIS behavior was so off the wall.

All through dinner, Chrissy was rubbing on the poor child’s head and legs, just trying to make sure that he could sit still for at least the majority of the meal as he sat there squirming and talking and telling and retelling stories from books that you, I, the school librarian and probably the Library of Congress have never heard of.  Tales of how the small vegetable got hurt and hit somebody and... and... and... and... but Daddy, are you listening?  Benton, you really should be quiet, now.  But daddy, the vegetable... I’m trying to tell you about the vegetable.  Benton, just hush.  Really, you should just stop talking.

So the vegetable was at school...

BENTON, no more talking until we get home.  (I can feel my shoulders drooping just having to recount his behavior.)

So... after that evening, he finally “came down” about 8:30 p.m. and went to bed without incident.  Long story short...

so long school lunches.

I’ll be sharing a recipe tomorrow for a coconut milk chocolate mousse.  We’ll bring it to the movie night at our church, so those around can give it a whirl (assuming there’s any left).  I’ll also be posting a review of a cheese substitute we found.

How Did We Get Here? AKA- Have You Been Drinking?

So, I've had a few questions since this morning asking for me to detail how we got to the point that we saw that milk might be the culprit in our boys' behavior. Well...

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... No, that's the wrong movie.

Once upon a time... Wrong book.

Hmm, let's see. Our life with our beautiful boys started in 2002 with the birth of our oldest son, Gabriel. He was absolutely adorable; bubbly and full of life. We started noticing at about the age of 3 that he was what a therapist would later refer to as "intractible," or incapable of accepting and dealing with changing conditions. He had a temper on him that would simply show up in situations that didn't really warrant anger, and he would lash out at family and friends for no reason. He was never a horrible child. On the contrary, he has always been a joy to be around and is a precocious, inquisitive young man, with artistic skills that are out of this world. But, things were never "normal." they were always a bit off-kilter, and we have had concerns for a long time that we were doing something terribly, terribly wrong.

His brother, Benton, came along in 2005, another perfect baby. Happy, precious and fun to be with. He has grown into the kind of child that can wrap you around his little finger until you pop and charm the socks off a rack of clothing at the store. But, shortly after his third birthday, he started in on what my mother coined the "wild-man syndrome." He would talk incessantly, simply babbling about absolutely nothing simply for the sake of babbling. He'd complain about how hard things were for him to accomplish or finish, even though his intellect is off the charts. He'd tell us how he couldn't read and then turn around and read a four syllable word on his own accord. He'd swing his right arm like a propeller, threatening to take off through the Sanctuary of our church or wherever he might have been. He'd go to bed, only to pop up again and again, like one of those horrible dolls that adults don't like, that look like a clown and simply (punch) won't (punch) stay (punch) on the (puncture, ssssssssssssssssssss-sss-s-s-ss-) ground.

We noticed as time went on that both the boys continued to show symptoms of ADHD in addition to some emotional "issues" that didn't quite add up. We didn't have a family history that would lead to those kinds of issues, and sometimes we would have problems, and other times they would be perfect angels. My wonderful wife and I continually bashed our heads against the wall, trying to figure out what the issue was.

Within the last two months, though, we had finally come to the end of our rope. We couldn't go to church without having other people stare at us. We were afraid to take our children to dinner because we never knew whether we were going to get Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. It was awful. While discussing the possibilities of what the problem COULD be, I had two people (my mother and one other person) suggest that the problem could be a food allergy. I myself am allergic to red dye, but we don't have a history of milk allergies in our family. How could that be it?

Then, one day, a new friend of mine, a co-worker, Kenneth (a very gifted musician), told me about his son, Quinn, who had exhibited symptoms of ADHD and let me know about how his band-mates had gone through an intervention with him. He simply made the suggestion that milk might be the culprit in our case as well. Well, God hit me on the head with a 2x4 at that moment, reminding me of the two other times that I had been told it could be food. This time, I decided to listen, instead of simply saying, "it's a possibility."

After hearing that, we went to my mother's house, where she had some soy milk. We tried it, kept them off of milk products for the day and waited to see what would happen.

Well, less than two weeks later, our world is very different. Gabriel doesn't get angry for no reason, he can concentrate better, his grades are going up and he has had an E in conduct since we removed milk.

Benton has responded by actually being able to sit through a meal in his chair, whereas before, he'd get up and wander, or run, or worse, bother other people in a restaurant, telling us, "I have to listen to my body." We haven't heard that statement once since we removed milk. We don't have to get on to him about not sitting down during meals, he offers to help around the house or EVEN (dare I say it out loud) simply starts helping for no reason.

It's been a miracle in our house. It could be in your house, too. Just for a moment, I'd like to talk to all the parents out there whose children have ADD, ADHD or are exhibiting symptoms of those. Before you investigate drugs for your kids, investigate their foods first. It's a much cheaper fix, allows their brains to develop more normally, and can provide you with some wonderful skills for parenting and helping your children grow naturally.

Milk... sometimes it DOESN'T do a body good.